blue eyes
 
Age : 18
Joined : 06 Aug 2008
Posts : 46
Location : Hanoi->Brisbane
 |  Subject: Personal Statement  Tue Aug 19, 2008 2:18 am | |
| Các anh chị có thể edit giùm em bài PS này ko ạ. Em apply scholarship, nhưng chưa viết PS bao giờ nên viết kém quá..
| Quote: | Personal Statement
Vietnam is a small country in the South East Asia with the shape of a “S” which I think, stands for “Sparkling” and “Safety” as the character of my country. “Sparkling” because Vietnam has for its own very beautiful natural landscapes such as Ha Long Bay, Phong Nha Ke Bang cave, Fan-xi-pan Mountain, etc. which are opted for the competition of seven wonders held by UNESCO in 2008. “Safety” is what people say about Vietnam as a very peaceful country. Mr President of Australia once visited Vietnam and we all saw him practicing morning exercise around Hoan Kiem lake, Hanoi without guards. Even George Bush can safely went in the street with his hand waved to Vietnamese people and being reacted with welcoming and friendly smiles without being afraid of guns or any attack. As a very special country like Vietnam, I think it should be an ideal place for tourists to visit. However, to my surprise, my father has been always explaining to me that it is undoubtfully a miracle to develop the tourism industry as we are too poor to invest money in this field. Since that, I never stop thinking about being related in the tourism field and do something for my country to develop.
Tourism Industry is one of the fastest-growing industries, whose great variety makes it very interesting area of working. I started making my dream come true when I decided to work as a tour guide in a tourism company last year. I knew I was going to like it because I am keen on meeting new people and visiting tourist destinations. As a tour guide for the group of forty Singapore students from Nanyang University of Technology, I was required to introduce the customers to know the real Hanoi, accommodate the guests and organize different kinds of entertainment. This job gave me opportunity to become acquainted with the work of such people as hotel, club and tourism managers. I was deeply impressed by their diligence to satisfy every need of their customers. I have realized the responsibility of their profession, but I have also understood how satisfied they are when their clients are happy. I will never forget the feeling when the guests who are now all my friends thanked me for the perfect holiday. People said my face was beaming. This feeling of gratification and even happiness has created on me the passion in studying Tourism management. However, the main reason that makes me decided to choose to study in this field is because of the lack of tourist service in my country. According to the latest research of the Communist of Tourism of Vietnam, there is merely 20% of all the staffs can satisfy the demand of good quality service and approximately 70% of them need to retrain after graduating from Vietnamese tourism schools because of their unprofessional manners at work as well the limited English communication skills. Vietnam is famous for its beautiful natural landscapes with many traditional workshops. However, there are not many tourism companies that can introduce the real Vietnamese lifestyle for tourists, especially are foreign tourists. All the reasons above have led to a limited number of 30% of tourist returning to Vietnam.
I am fond of knowing more about each sector of Hospitality industry, in which I see my future. Every manager needs leadership skills. I think I have gained them by participating in diverse activities. I was one of the students chosen to stage and acted as the main character in the play (Cinderella) of Language Link English centre in front of hundredth people. The most difficult task of the organization of the play was to make all actors deliver an inspired performance. Eventually, I managed to motivate them not only to be good actors but to enjoy acting itself. It produced positive response. Lately, I also joined in the English singing competition and pass in the second round. The passion I have for foreign languages ensured my successful participation in every English club and English class that I have taken part in. In this way I have improved my organizational and presentation skills. During one year studying the International Foundation Year program with foreign teachers, I am always recognized as an outstanding English speaking student among my classmates. Seeing that, my teachers usually chose me to be the leader of the class. At the end of the course, I got Distinction score for six over eight subjects and an IELTS score of 7.0 with no band score under 6.5.
I am reliable and positive person, who enjoys challenges and never gives up. I am also an active person who loves joining in outdoor activities and I always take my work seriously. I dream of managing a Tourism company. After graduating from Master course in Australia, I planned to come back to Vietnam to work in a tourism company for over three years before I really step my foot on the tourism industry. First of all, I intend to co-operate with an English centre to improve English for the staffs before they will be sent to my centre to train all skills related to their job in Tourism. Meanwhile, I think of opening special tours where tourists live with Vietnamese farmers, do the farm and get to know how we make rice or coffee, the food that they eat everyday. I realize how great my ambitions are and how hard I must work to achieve them but I think it is more important to have a will and a belief. When one who has strong belief is self-confident and self-motivated, when he is patient and determined he can fulfill them. I know that besides all these qualities I must also have academic skills in order to succeed in this industry in which there is such a competition. Studying tourism management I will acquire the necessary skills and knowledge to be a prosperous tourism manager.
I believe one of the most important steps to my future is to come to QIBT, then Griffith University which renown for its high quality of teaching Tourism Management in Australia.
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Em cảm ơn nhiều ạ. |
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metavana
 
Age : 24
Joined : 17 Jul 2008
Posts : 50
Location : QUT, Kelvin Grove
| | Subject: Re: Personal Statement Tue Aug 19, 2008 6:44 am | |
| Bài viết của em dài quá, and paste qua word để cho nó count th́ đến hơn 1000 từ. Personal Statement của PhD cũng chỉ cần từ 1000 đến 1500 từ thôi. Em ráng cắt nó lại khoảng 1 nửa là vừa.
Xin HB cho em, nên em tập trung vào ḿnh thui. Đoạn đầu em có thể cắt đi được.
Để chiều về anh đọc lại gùi comment thêm cho em. |
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blue eyes
Age : 18
Joined : 06 Aug 2008
Posts : 46
Location : Hanoi->Brisbane
| | Subject: Re: Personal Statement Tue Aug 19, 2008 1:36 pm | |
| vâng, 1000 words đấy ạ.
Đây là first draft nên em chưa cắt sửa ǵ cả. Mà e cũng chẳng biết cắt chỗ nào :((
Người ta bảo mở bài th́ phải lạ lạ 1 tí. Nên e ko muốn giới thiệu bản thân luôn. Hic hic.
Đấy là c̣n chưa có đoạn nêu advantage của QIBT (Lư do v́ sao chọn). Ko biết có cần thiết ko anh nhỉ
Anyway, thanks anh Duy Hung nhiều ! |
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metavana
Age : 24
Joined : 17 Jul 2008
Posts : 50
Location : QUT, Kelvin Grove
| | Subject: Re: Personal Statement Thu Aug 21, 2008 1:50 pm | |
| | blue eyes wrote: |
Người ta bảo mở bài th́ phải lạ lạ 1 tí. Nên e ko muốn giới thiệu bản thân luôn. Hic hic.
|
Vấn đề là ở chỗ này đây, do văn phong (style) của ng châu á chúng ta khác với westerners. chúng ta viết văn th́ phải dẫn đi ḷng ṿng trước khi đề cập đến vấn đề, c̣n wersteners th́ họ đi thẳng vào luôn. ko biết cái "ng ta" mà em nói là ng việt hay westeners.
Em học business thử tưởng tượng xem 1 ngày nào đó, 1 công ty nó gửi cho em thư mời hợp tác mà nó toàn viết về thời tiết hay phong tục th́ em đọc có bực ḿnh không.
Thứ 2 nữa là statement và essay xin học bổng nó khác nhau. Essay th́ em có thể sử dụng các cấu trúc ngữ pháp và từ ngữ phức tạp, nhưng statement th́ em làm đơn giản càng tốt. |
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blue eyes
Age : 18
Joined : 06 Aug 2008
Posts : 46
Location : Hanoi->Brisbane
| | Subject: Re: Personal Statement Thu Aug 21, 2008 2:31 pm | |
| | vậy em nên bỏ luôn cả đoạn đầu đi?? |
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metavana
Age : 24
Joined : 17 Jul 2008
Posts : 50
Location : QUT, Kelvin Grove
| | Subject: Re: Personal Statement Thu Aug 21, 2008 2:59 pm | |
| Em nên bỏ đoạn đầu đi. Anh cũng đề nghị dàn bài thế này (cách xếp các ư của em hơi lộn xộn 1 chút)
đoạn 1: viết về personal details của e, cả working experiences và leadership
đoạn 2: tại seo em chọn ngành hospitality và Griffith
đoạn 3: future plan của em sau khi tốt nghiệp |
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babykiller
 
Age : 22
Joined : 15 May 2008
Posts : 24
Location : Brisbane
| | Subject: Re: Personal Statement Tue Sep 09, 2008 3:23 am | |
| "Even George Bush can safely went in the street with his hand waved to Vietnamese people and being reacted with welcoming and friendly smiles without being afraid of guns or any attack."
In my opinion, "... could safely go ... " is better.
Your English is excellent. You will be fine at QIBT and even though the master of honor degree at Griffith Uni.
Wishing you a good luck on your scholarship.
_________________
Đi một ngày đàng học một sàng dại.
Sàng qua sàng lại mới được tí khôn. T_T |
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blue eyes
Age : 18
Joined : 06 Aug 2008
Posts : 46
Location : Hanoi->Brisbane
| | Subject: Re: Personal Statement Fri Sep 19, 2008 10:27 am | |
| | i got a scholarship, thank uuu |
|
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